


rubatosis

by rosenkrone



Category: Tales of Zestiria
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-18
Updated: 2016-11-18
Packaged: 2018-08-31 15:20:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8583553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosenkrone/pseuds/rosenkrone
Summary: Eight ways to say I love you





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Woofemus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Woofemus/gifts).



> Loosely based on this: http://thoughtcatalog.com/r-mckinley/2012/12/8-ways-to-say-i-love-you/

Rose can still recall the moment she saw that crestfallen look appear on Alisha’s face, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes as she stared at a letter from her family. There was a sharp pang in her chest at the sight, a feeling of panic as Alisha’s normally calm and collected composure broke in front of her.  The words were rushing out before Rose could even stop herself.

“Please don’t cry. Whatever it is, I’ll help you through it.”

But Alisha just shook her head, blinking back the tears as Rose pulled her into a hug, wishing she knew the right words to say.    

It’s been a long, lonely three weeks since Alisha left to visit her family and there are so many things Rose wishes she could tell Alisha as she waits for her to return. Apologies, promises, something silly guaranteed to make her laugh.  The words run through her mind in a constant swirl of emotion that almost makes her dizzy. Though that could also be due to the alcohol.

_I’m sorry I couldn’t go with you._

_I wish I could have helped._

_If you need me to punch anyone in the face I can be there as soon as possible._

_Stay strong._

_I believe in you._

_Come home._

_I miss you._  

Instead she gets lost in the sound of Alisha’s voice, hanging on to each word and focusing on the warmth of her tone and the almost, not quite giggle that follows the request to leave a message.  Rose could listen to her talk for hours and sometimes she does, asking Alisha some silly question that she knows will spark an excited response.  Most of the details go right over her head but it’s worth it.

The beep sounds and Rose frowns, not quite ready for everything she wants to say.  She takes a deep breath, prepares herself for everything that threatens to spill out, but only manages to say one thing.

“I-I love you.”

She stumbles over the words, swallowing past the small stutter as her tongue suddenly feels far too heavy and her thoughts become hazy as all the liquor begins to catch up with her. The dial tone buzzes in her ear and Rose lets her head fall to rest on her arm with a sigh, suddenly feeling far too tired to deal with things.

The next morning is awful and Rose whines as Zaveid and Edna gleefully fill in all the blanks, reminding her of each and every terrible decision that lead to making the call in the first place.  Lailah quietly admonishes them, placing a cool rag on the back of Rose’s neck and gathering the shorts strands of hair back into a messy ponytail.  

Rose could hug Lailah in that moment if she wasn’t busy emptying the contents of her stomach.  But then Lailah pauses and Rose groans before the pun is even finished.

“Oh, you two behave. Shots happen.”

The days that follow are a terrifying mix of nerves and uncertainty and Rose cannot stop fidgeting with her phone, wondering if Alisha even received the voicemail.  She is jumpy and anxious as the phone buzzes with notifications, but never the one she expects, almost dreads, to see.

Eventually Rose returns to her routine and wakes up one morning to find Alisha sitting on the side of her bed.  Gentle fingers brush back her bangs and Rose blinks in confusion, wondering if she’s still asleep and this is all some dream.  

“Hey.”  Alisha’s voice is soft as she cups Rose’s cheek, thumb lightly running back and forth.  “Sorry if I woke you.”

Rose melts into the touch, almost afraid to speak and ruin the moment.  “Everything okay?”

After a moment of hesitation, Alisha replies.  “It will be.”                                      

“If you need me to do anything…”  

Alisha giggles, pressing a finger to Rose’s lips.  “They just… things caught me off guard.  And it wasn’t all bad.  I even got to see Clyde again after all these years.”

Rose frowns, struggling to recall any mentions of a Clyde from the few stories that Alisha has shared over the years.  She glances at Alisha and notices the way she is biting her lip, trying to hold back a laugh.  With a shout, Rose sits up, nearly knocking Alisha off the bed in the process. “Wait… isn’t Clyde a horse?”

Alisha’s eyes are practically sparkling as she leans forward, poking at Rose’s nose.  “So you do listen when I talk.”

“Of course I do.”  Rose huffs, trying her best to ignore the heat rising in her cheeks.  She listens to everything Alisha tells her.  

 

* * *

 

The moment Alisha’s tongue runs over her lips, Rose is lost.  She freezes, eyes slightly hazy as she follows the unconscious movement. Rose does not even realize that she is leaning forward until their noses bump together and Alisha is turning redder with each passing second.

“Do you…”

The words trail off as Alisha presses a hesitant kiss to her lips, pulling back with a shy smile.  

“Is that a yes?”   Rose doesn’t care how silly the question is, not when it makes Alisha shake her head and laugh as she leans forward to kiss her again.

She still isn’t quite sure how things escalated but when Alisha shifts on her lap, lips slanting across her own, Rose is not about to start questioning things.  Blonde hair obscures her vision, tickling against her neck and making her shiver as it falls over the bare skin of her shoulders. Her hands itch to run through the impossibly soft strands, tangling in Alisha’s hair until it is completely and thoroughly messy.

Rose settles for wrapping her arms around Alisha’s waist and letting her fingertips trail over the small of her back, tracing miscellaneous patterns on smooth skin.  Alisha giggles into the kiss and it is possibly the most beautiful sound that Rose has ever heard in her entire life.  She pulls back just enough to glance up at Alisha through lowered lashes, heart pounding in her ears as Alisha is the one to lean forward, chasing after her to close the distance between them.

The kiss that follows leaves Rose breathless and she gasps for air in the precious few seconds before their lips meet again.  She sighs into the sweet touch, exhaling the words in a clumsy rush of nerves and exhilaration before distracting Alisha with playful, teasing touches.

“…love you.”

 

* * *

 

Going to Lailah for advice was probably a mistake.

The box of fancy chocolates are a hit and Rose laughs whenever she catches Alisha sneaking one despite her claims to save them for later.  Even the giant stuffed bear is kind of growing on her, especially if it makes Alisha look absolutely giddy whenever she squeezes it to her chest.  But Rose really should have been paying more attention to the flowers.

Lailah insisted that they should be lilacs, refused to even think of anything else, would not even hear of a mixed bouquet.  The small purple flowers looked innocent enough at first glance.  And a quick internet search revealed a few cheesy meanings, though nothing too embarrassing.  But this was Lailah after all.

Alisha is the one who spots the hidden note first, fingers carefully pulling it from its hiding spot. She takes her time unfolding the paper and straightening the creases before turning to Rose with a soft smile. “I lilac you too.”

Rose just hides her face in her hands and groans.  

The flowers may have been embarrassing but they are not nearly as bad as the dinner.  They barely make it to the restaurant, Rose fidgeting the entire trip, trying and failing not to let on just how nervous she is about dressing up and going to such a fancy place.

And then there’s Alisha who looks nothing less than stunning with her hair pinned up and a simple yet elegant dress that flatters everything.  Rose refuses to even consider the fact that she may be slightly biased on this matter.

Rose grabs Alisha’s hand, stopping her just before the entrance.  “I’m sorry.  This… this just doesn’t feel right.”  She takes a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heartbeat.  “Would you mind if we just picked something up and stayed in for the night?”

Alisha does not even hesitate, squeezing Rose’s hands and sharing a bright smile.  “Of course not.  I would be happy as long as you are by my side.”

The blush that colors her cheeks is nearly instantaneous.  

Later, they spend the night on the couch, eating from takeout containers and Rose has never felt more at home.  She takes a bite of food before mumbling under her breath.  “I love you.”

Alisha looks up from where she is adjusting the stuffed bear into a makeshift pillow and Rose lets her hand curl around the legs resting in her lap, thumb brushing against a delicate ankle bone.  They share a soft smile and words are not necessary.

 

* * *

 

Alisha shifts in her sleep and the fabric of her shirt rides up, revealing the curve of one hip and the gentle slope of her waist.  Rose’s eyes linger and though it is tempting to reach out and poke at the ticklish area, she tugs the fabric back into place and pulls the blankets more securely around Alisha.    

Indulging for the moment, Rose settles for gathering Alisha’s hair, fingers combing it away from her face in slow, even strokes.  She will never understand how each curl manages to look so perfect in the morning even when Alisha lets it loose at night.  

A glance at the clock shows that it’s later than she thought and Rose lets the strands of hair fall from her fingers and closes her eyes with a deep sigh.  She listens to the sound of Alisha’s steady breathing and attempts to match her own breathing to the quiet rise and fall beside her. There is a restless feeling welling up within her, the urge to just blurt out every late night thought she’s ever had all at once but she does not want to wake Alisha.

Would it be so bad for her to overhear?  Rose is not sure she is ready to discover that quite yet.  

Counting the space between breaths soothes the anxious feeling welling up, eases the tightness in her chest.  She sits up, intending to brush back wayward strands of hair one last time and finds herself moving to press a feather light kiss to Alisha’s temple.  That should be the end of it but certain things just have a way of slipping past her lips without warning.

“I love you.”

The words are barely above a whisper and yet Alisha shifts in her sleep again, turning towards Rose with an unintelligible mumble.  Her hand reaches out, tangling with Rose’s and holding it tightly.  Rose  carefully lays back down, hardly daring to breathe.  She squeezes her eyes shut, waiting for any indication that Alisha has really been awake this whole time.

Nothing happens and Rose is not sure if the slight pang in her chest is relief or disappointment.

 

* * *

 

Rose sits at the kitchen counter, resting her chin on top of her hands as she watches Alisha stand on the other side, carefully measuring each ingredient until she has just the right amount.  And then it’s time for the eggs.  Alisha picks up one egg, holding it gingerly and taking a deep breath.  

The first tap results in a tiny crack spider webbing across the shell and Alisha frowns.  The next tap results in the egg coating Alisha’s hand and Rose bites her lip, struggling to stay silent.  After the next two eggs suffer the same fate, Rose steals the fourth egg from Alisha’s hand and neatly cracks it into the bowl.

“Showoff.”  Alisha stares at the bowl with a pout.

After she moves on to chopping the vegetables, Rose has to swallow down her laughter as Alisha cuts each piece with such precision, frowning when some sections are larger than others.  As tempting as it is to point out that the measurements are only a guide, Rose has to admit that this has its charms as well.  But it is the look on Alisha’s face when she steals a chunk of carrot from the cutting board that is the most priceless of all.

“I think someone needs to relax a bit.”  Rose reaches across the counter, laying her hand on top of Alisha’s until she sets the knife down.  She waits for the pout on Alisha’s face to even out, knowing that a smile will soon replace it.  “Would the lady care to join me in a dance?”

Alisha rolls her eyes even as she lets herself be tugged into the open space of the kitchen. “Dinner will never be finished at this rate.”  

“Who needs food when I have your lovely company?”  Rose winks before raising her arm up and guiding Alisha into a spin across the tiled floor.  

There is an inelegant snort that fills the space between them as Rose pulls Alisha back into position, making up the steps as she goes along.  It soon turns into muffled giggles as Alisha presses her face against Rose’s shoulder, somehow still graceful despite Rose’s clumsy movements as she leads the impromptu dance.

Letting her head fall to rest against Alisha’s, Rose’s eyes flutter shut.  The feeling of holding Alisha close and the soft sound of her laughter is nearly intoxicating.  She wishes it could last forever.  But as always her mouth and her mind are never quite on the same page.  “I love…” The words stick in her throat, the unspoken ‘you’ swallowed by the sudden silence and Rose can feel the nervous panic bubbling up within her, quickly adding on, “…when you indulge my silly moments.”

Alisha hums happily, seemingly unaware of the tense atmosphere and Rose silently curses herself for not being able to say things properly.

 

* * *

 

Words can be so frustrating Rose decides.  They rarely work the way that she wants them to and always seem to disappear when she needs them the most.  But the most frustrating thing of all is when the words just don’t come out right.

Mikleo pats her shoulder and tells her it happens to everyone and then Sorey suggests writing down everything that comes to mind.  At first, Rose scoffs at the idea, muttering under her breath and rolling her eyes at the very thought.  It isn’t until later that she finds herself paging through an old notebook and scribbling down all of her thoughts in the middle of the night.  

She starts with the first time she met Alisha.  Seeing that smile for the first time.  Hearing her laughter.  Discovering every little detail that makes her _Alisha_.  Before Rose realizes it, she has written three pages of rambling, disjointed notes.

Apparently the words just don’t want to cooperate with her when she is face to face with a certain person.

Putting her thoughts on paper is calming.  After she reaches the sixth page, Rose feels like her mind is no longer quite so cloudy. She almost feels lighter somehow. Her fingers brush across the messy writing and she wonders if she will ever be able to say even half of this out loud.

Knowing how clumsy she can be, probably not.

Carefully tearing each page from the notebook, Rose folds the paper.  She grabs a blank envelope and stuffs them inside, laughing softly when it barely fits and she has to use tape to keep the flap closed.  Picking up the pen, Rose neatly writes Alisha’s name, taking great care with each stroke.

Staring at the envelope makes the heavy feeling return and Rose considers leaving it out in plain sight, leaving things to chance.  But at the same time, she is terrified of the unknown, uncertain of what could happen if Alisha were to know these things.  She does not want to ruin the delicate balance between them.

The envelope is shoved into the trash and Rose collapses face down on her bed with a sigh. Perhaps sleep will help quiet the incessant thoughts that run through her mind.

Alisha greets her with a soft smile the next morning, playfully brushing back her bangs and fussing over Rose for a few moments until it is time for her to leave.  The note is nowhere to be found and Rose wonders if it was all part of some stress induced dream.

 

* * *

 

One minute they’re holding hands, joking and laughing as they walk down the sidewalk together during a rare free day.   The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining, it’s almost too good to be true.  And then Alisha stumbles, tripping over an uneven patch of cement that catches against her heel.  Soft laughter fills the air and Alisha shakes her head when Rose grabs her hand, steadying her and helping Alisha to stand up.

“How quickly you fell for my charms.”

Alisha snorts, lightly flicking her fingers against Rose’s shoulder.  “Can you blame me?”

Pausing at the corner of the block, Rose glances at their hands, a soft expression on her face.

The next moment is filled with a flurry of sounds as a careless driver turns the corner without warning and nearly hits them.  Rose doesn’t even think, she just moves, tugging Alisha into her arms in a blind panic as the car screeches past.  She is shaking, trembling as she holds Alisha close.  Her mind is filled with countless scenarios and possibilities that make it hard for her to breathe properly.  

As the car speeds away, she screams at the top of her lungs, shouting out every swear word that pops into her head and even making up a few creative ones on the spot.  Rose is furious, thinly veiled anger clear to anyone who passes by.  It isn’t until Alisha struggles to pull away that Rose snaps out of her haze.  

“Thank you.”   Alisha takes a deep breath, sharing a tired smile as she leans her weight against Rose.

“Are you okay?”  Rose cards her fingers through Alisha’s hair, tucking strands behind her ear and searching for any signs that something may be wrong. She would never forgive herself if anything happened to Alisha.  “Does anything hurt?”

“I’m… fine.”  Alisha’s voice trails off even as her knees begin to buckle.  “Just a little wobbly.”

Rose catches her, winding her arms around Alisha’s waist and pressing her face into the fall of Alisha’s hair.  She struggles to calm her breathing, unconsciously timing it to Alisha’s own until she doesn’t feel like punching someone in the face.  

“I love you.”  The words slip out, rushed and messy and Rose repeats them over and over, mumbling them under her breath.  This was too close, too sudden, too overwhelming to think about.  

Rose just wants to hold Alisha tight and never let go.

 

* * *

 

Today is the day Rose decides.  

Alisha yawns, burying her face in the pillow to escape the rays of sunlight that sneak through the curtains to light up the room.  Her nose wrinkles adorably when it does not work.  Their eyes meet and Rose gives her a gentle smile.

“Hey.”  Rose playfully tugs at a stray curl of hair, smiling as it springs back into place.  She takes a deep breath, waiting for those three little words to slip past her lips but they catch in her throat as Alisha tangles their fingers together, eyes fluttering shut.

Next time.

Later they each go about their daily routines, getting ready for the day until it’s time to cook breakfast together.  Rose handles the eggs, pressing a kiss to Alisha’s nose and proclaiming that she is in charge of something much more important – the toast.  Alisha’s laughter rings throughout the kitchen and Rose forgets to actually say what she’s thinking out loud, distracted by the sound.

In the end, the toast may be slightly dark and Alisha is running just a little late to work but as Rose watches her leave, she whispers those simple words and hopes that she will have another chance to say them when the time is right.

During a lull in the afternoon, Rose checks the messages on her phone.  She ignores the multiple texts from Felice and Lailah, sends a short note to Eguille about upcoming projects, and pauses, finger hovering over Alisha’s contact information.

She debates with herself about sending a message.  It could be something cute and sweet, something that makes her laugh, or even a quick question to ask how she is doing.  As tempting as it would be to add in those three little words, Rose settles for a simple note, grinning when Alisha responds within a few minutes.

Rose continues to send silly, random texts, counting down the minutes until Alisha returns.  There are so many things that she cannot wait to tell her and the seconds are ticking by far too slowly.

When the sound of the lock turning finally reaches her ears, Rose all but jumps up and races towards the door, unable to wait even a second longer.  Each carefully chosen word disappears the moment that Alisha steps into the room, smiling warmly.

“I love you.”

Alisha’s bag falls to the floor with a thud, her face flushing a pretty pink color.  Rose holds her breath, heart pounding as she waits for the response.  After what feels like forever, Alisha giggles, closing the distance between them and pulling Rose into a hug.  She leans her forehead against Rose’s, making sure their eyes meet before speaking.  “I love you too.”


End file.
